Fact: Godrick looks like David Archuleta
Taljing aboutpenisrs w gerruly ska pops
My 40 year old neighbors are throwing a party for their eight year old niece's birthday. It's 1am and they're still partying hard. Harder than me. It's Saturday. Just say it, I'm a disgrace to the generation.
let's get a trip to cabo together for next spring... they have to have forgotten about me by now
How do I politely say my vagina is not a chew toy and if you bite me again I will slap you?
You could say take it easy, whoa there, be gentle, anything that doesn't fully convey the horror.
We are smoking a hash blunt ... Bring your emergency inhaler
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
it's taken me 3 hours to eat this pudding cup. I think I am melting.
Ladies and gentlemen, the only person I know who would keg stand in pearls and a bow.
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
Riding your boyfriend's dick for an hour then waitressing for 8 hours. Would not recommend.
its 11:20. i'm drunk in class flying paper airplanes for my final. what the fuck is my college experience right now?
I told him I lived in the apartment beside his brother and he said "oh, you're the girl that watches really loud porn!"
When my card got declined you bought the vibrator without me even asking. This is what friendship is.
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