yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
so, totally just picked up a pack of red bull, and some magnum condoms and the old woman at the register's tone went from "hi blah how are you" to "oh....how YOU DOIN'?" she knew what was up
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
No just sleep deprived. James woke me up at 7 and forced me to eat a hot pocket with him cause he " didn't want me to die".
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
All I do lately is eat steak, drink warm beer, watch porn, and avoid booty calls when I'm too lazy to take a shower. I think the apocalypse turned me into a dude.
Would nail polish remover take gorilla glue off my nipples? We had a strange night.
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
My ex unfollowed me on SPOTIFY bruh. Freaking spotify. The butthurt is real
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