and while your girlfriend wears your relationship pants, i'll be wearing my ecstasy pants
Blew in her face. She is Pissed. Yahtzee. As she brushes her teeth.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
I got picked up after "I just threw up in my face". Then I had very specific instructions involving the bathtub.
I just tried to roll over and fell off the bed. I think that is the beds way of kicking me out
Aaaaand my mom is wearing jeggings...
I just sneezed glitter I JUST SNEEZED G LITTER I j u st SneeZED GLIT TER I DO NOT HAVE TIME FOR THIS AT ALL.
the conference was great. we had to hide the acid in a planter in front of the department of agriculture though
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
I just left and he walked me out and went call me if you're ever... Eh... Whatever. And walked away.
How to not get laid: tell him he reminds you of your brother. While having sex. Thanks, vodka.
Fun fact. A penis can be used to catapult cheetos.
You start to question your morals when you wake up at 430 and there's three people naked...that you don't no
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