U r making out with a 12 year old get ur shit together
I just wanted to draw pictures of limp wieners on peoples doors and smash pictures of palm trees. That's it.
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
That's why she's the girl with her life together and you're the girl with the penis drawn on your car.
it was all good until he screamed "for fraaannnceee" on his last thrust
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
In her drunkenness, she packed a bag with tequila, two shot glasses, salt, a knife, and two pears. She was prepared but too high to distinguish pears from limes.
I also found a beer label in my bra and I'm pretty sure you put it there and said "this means I trust you"
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
Well I woke up and my arm was bleeding. And my blood is on the wall in the hallway.
Umm
No idea. I blame fireball.
Valid.
I'm so sexually frustrated I feel like I'm going to kill my turtle
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
You were trust falling into bushes
Dick is the cure to depression. I'm almost positive. And cough syrup.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Randomize
