she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
can't remember last night but the beers were $3.50, so i can count how many I had by counting my quarters
i can afford to take several trips up and down the parkway right now if I wasn't still hanging over my toilet
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
Puke, feathers, beads, and solo cups all on my way to class. I'm surprised anyone's alive after this weekend.
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
Your boobs stole my birthday thunder!
I just delete my bank app from my phone to have enough storage to download tindr. Is this my life now?
HE WILL NEVER BE ONE OF US. HE WILL NEVER BE A DECENT, GOD-FEARING WHORE.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
Wearing Navy dress whites to a wedding is like having a magical panty removing device. I've never cockblocked a whole room just by existing before.
Justin has passed out on the toilet in a locked stall. Stay tuned for pics.
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
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