i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
New all-time record for most uncomfortable I've ever been. A midget just asked me to restrap his fanny pack in the bathroom.
we just pregamed for our presentation... gotta love group bonding
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
These old men are woofing at me..PLEASE HURRY
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
seriously. next time...underwear. I'm not spending any other holiday season wondering if it'll be my last babyless one.
What's up with the fire hydrant in the laundry room?
I'll be there in spirit. Right there in your vagina.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
So many questions so I’ll prioritize. How did I survive last night?
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize
