he's my edward cullen
I am pretty sure Edward Cullen never had an all-day drinking binge topped off with some blow.
News update: stealing a playground is harder than it looks.
You coming out tonight? We gotta hang out before I move to Madison. BTW I'm moving to Madison.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
sometimes you just have to pull up your panties, blow a kiss to the security camera and walk out of the alley like nothing happened.
I did the walk of shame wearing his scrubs. Fucking med school students is the way to go.
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
When you wake up, just ignore the mess in the bathroom. I'll take her home when I'm off work.
mike is out of commission and cannot make breakfast. he's sitting with two frozen waffles on his face & smiling like an idiot.
I just wish I had a snapshot of his attempted front flip off the bar. There are some things that are worth getting a life ban for, and the moment of impact with his foot and that lady's face was one of those things.
I'm way too sober and people are way too heterosexual
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
Randomize
