That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Booty call?
Dude you don't even follow my twitter
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
I yelled "Coming in hot." before penetrating. Im pretty sure she loved it.
There's a very real possibility that I'll wake up in your uncle's driveway.
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Let's just say I've never been so continually aware of my nipples before.
How can someone be so bad at fingering? It's such a simple concept
Even dream me is a champ at smoking weed
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
I really appreciate you taking the time to blur out my excessive boob cleavage for instagram
All I want to do is drink an excessive amount of free alcohol bought from strange men, while taking frequent trips to the bathroom to snort an assortment of illicit drugs off dirty toilet seats. Break cannot get here quick enough...
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I need you to get the emergency bail money out if the stuffed panda and go to the police station tot bail me out. I should be there in 20 minutes.
Randomize
