If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
you should have seen his reaction to my boobs, it was like he just met god
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
I ended up on the roof were calling it a tie
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
You chest bumped everyone we walked by on the way home... Even girls
sending him nudies in gran's hospital bathroom. you?
I got sucker punched while I was making out with some girl...I think my molar might have flown into her mouth
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... So sensitive...
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
On the upside, no one went to the hospital! Lex's friend was definitely on fire at one point last night though because he tried to juggle tiki torches. He was shirtless this morning and smelled like a BBQ.
I'm at my friends house alone, she's at spin class so I'm wearing her engagement ring and eating buffalo wings. It's 9:30am. Happy Valentine's Day.
I started my period on international women's day. It's like the world is congratulating me and punishing me for being a woman at the same time
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