I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
Why do you apologize after every time we have sex?
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
shes laying on the floor in a bowl of salsa with her pants half off and she's crying... i dont know what to do...
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
And then we can spend New Year's Day sprawled across the tiles watching greys anatomy and puking into the bushes over the balcony. It'll be great
Se wrote an essay in class about proper and fashionable winter wear for dogs. Of course I regret fucking her.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
Don't do it. It's 9 am on a Monday morning and I'm hungover. I can't deal with tears right now.
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
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