They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
If you want to dance with a less than stellar Asian chick, I have just the girl for you.
Wedsnesdays are always enlightening. Tonights revealation: One should not smoke from something taller than their person.
WHAT IS WRONG WITH SOCIETY?!?!?!
... says the kid who took a shit in my parents dishwasher...
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I'm leaving my hospital band on when we go drinking tonight. I'm aiming for pity sex.
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
You're obviously not trying hard enough. GET LAID. Kittens die for less.
Touche salesman.
Joined a porch party below me by climbing out the window and jumping off the roof. Tonight will be good
Would you like season tickets to my vagina?
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
Ccatlin cimbing thru th sunroof plz come
I just described cereal to my mother as "acoustic breakfast soup".
who is this
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