best part, i was ridiculous and none of them were judging me bc they didn't want my vagina. it was like i was a pretty painting
you threw up in thedumpster behind red robin
and kept yelling "DIRTY BIRD"
You stuck the head of a rubber chicken you found in her house up your ass and then started running around her living room. Naked.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
...he tried to burn down someone's house once. ABORT ABORT ABORT
i need to stop celebrating other people's birthdays like they are m own.. my body can't handle a birthday every week
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Apparently you missed the drunkest me ever documented. I slept on the hardwood floor and left my pants on the porch to give u a frame of reference.
I'm like 87% sure some random guy starting biting my ear after grinding me for like 30 seconds... I feel suprisingly unconcerned
I said he looked like a lumberjack and that's when he came. I guess he liked the beard compliment?
But lunch with my dad really just means an hour and a half of him telling me how he's disappointed and how he knows I'm on drugs
Forget work, lets run away, rob banks, and have kinky sex with fuzzy handcuffs.
IT'S LIKE YOU READ MY MIND.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Randomize
