I acted like I was still sleeping as she gathered her stuff to leave.. that's when she let one rip
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
I dressed up as a breathalyzer test for Halloween; never had so many straight dudes blow me before!
I'm glad that even though we are states apart our whorish hearts beat as one
I took a yellow and pink pill, all of a sudden my sex drive is back, and for some reason all I wanna do is fuck Amish dudes
Good God, I miss doing unknown drugs with you.
My boyfriend's brother just got out of jail and he is already telling us to steal cable. Dude.
You are the only lesbian I know that needs plan b
HEY JUST FOUND A SHIT TON OF MONEY IN THE PURSE HE SENT BRB GONNA GO BUY ME SOME MALE STRIPPERS AND BATHE IN THESE TWENTY DOLLAR BILLS
Eh. Fuck him. He's missing out. I'm legit naked and drinking straight from the bottle of wine.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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