I love you
are you drunk
yes but I def love you, we should get married
But I'm Jewish
embrace Jesus
just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Just asked my dog if he was proud of me for making it home. That drunk.
She just told me her legs are numb and that she dedicated her karaoke of ice ice baby to her 4 month old son.
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
I can't even look at my running shoes. I swear I drank more in the last 2 days than the last 6 months combined
sorry for laughing and taking pictures while you were having an asthma attack on st. patricks day
If that orgasm indicates how the rest of the year is going to go, I need to buy rain boots.
I have no concept of chastity or moderation, she is a Catholic guilt poster child, how could I not try to hit that
found one of my socks in the dishwsaher... xanax
The awkward moment your booty call shows up to the Mexican restaurant and realizes you just picked burritos over pussy
You’re like one of those doomsday preppers, but for your vagina
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
