is hooking up with someone you used to babysit wrong?
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Dude, everyone in your family has slept with that girl. Her vagina is like the Hindu version of a Bar Mitzvah.
I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
I looked at you and you stared at me dead in the eyes then sprayed febreze at your crotch and winked.
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
I need a burrito and a hug.
so far I've only met her once and hung out one other time. Up to 5 BJs already. That's serious efficiency.
Did you blackout Saturday before or after we had sex in a random snow bank?
We can't BOTH have terrible sex lives. Get fucked or throw him out.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
You stuck your false lashes to your upper lip and then asked that ONE kid with facial hair if your "mustaches could touch" as an excuse to make out.
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