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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
everytime someone famous vagina shows up in pics, i have to go check my own vagina to make sure mine dont look all wrinkledy and flabby like that....i want my lips plump and succulent
I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
yes, the chronicles of narnia is exactly what happens when you do crack inside of a wardrobe.
I just gave some chick my debit card to put in the jukebox. She better put out.
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
I guess I realized I had a problem when I ordered 4 shots and told the bar wench to pour them all into 1 glass
Well that's the first time I've woken up with wet jorts
Did you see the video of me eating a marshmellow on fire?
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
After you finished the $300 bottle of wine you just started crying about how if Mulder and Scully didn't invite you to join the x-files your life would be meaningless because you "love that weird shit"
Put on your bikini and meet me at the pool \nit’s cock o’clock!
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