i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
You look just like Jennifer Aniston on food.
just apologized to a random stranger while waiting in line for coffee. last night was that drunk
life is no where near the amusement park it was when I was on Vicodin.
If you fuck her, Im going to call you and I want you to cough 2 times.
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
I'm slightly possesive over the gucamole when i'm stoned.
Is that why you left peanut shells in my bed?
my revenge plans when i'm high are never as good as i think they are
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I ordered a VEGAN pizza, because it gets here the fastest, just so I could get a 2 litre of Coke. For my whiskey.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
also, sleeping with your chipotle guy sounds like a good idea until you want chipotle on your day off and have to look somewhat presentable to acquire said chipotle.
Just to clarify, i'm coming over for tacos not a threesome
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Randomize
