loyola was giving a tour this morning and they all saw me in a half ripped off toga throwing up over the side of the dorm stairs
you don't even go to loyola anymore
If they made snuggies with a sleeve for my morning wood, id consider buying one...
Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
I feel wrong giving my mom a cash gift full of dirty stripper money.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
You yelled "hold my dick" before you tackled the guy away from the dj and two random girls moved to actually hold it, then argued about it. I want that whore aura!
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
I just made a flawless coverstory for why I dont have my car and why I left the party on foot. #adultererskills
the cops are being surprisingly chill about david hanging from a tree with no pants.
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Thanks for reminding me of all the hookups my brain has been trying to suppress...
That's what friends are foooooooor!
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
It's 7am. I'm sitting on the curb in last nights clothes with a nose bleed and no idea how to get home. Low moment I feel.
Santi's no longer allowed to buy booze in my lane. Last thing I need is a midlife crisis looking at his Id again.
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