is it gross that my labia hangs so much that guys can't find my clit?
well since you're still married, you will be paying for my abortion right?
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
One of the bamboo sticks broke and impaled him. I think he's drunk enough that it shouldn't hurt until tomorrow.
If by any chance I go to the hospital make sure you stuff a pint in my pockets so I can keep up.
sudden memory flashback: you and i having sex on the bed, erin sitting naked in your desk chair drinking whiskey straight from the bottle while harassing you for your computer password to play some "mood music." high five. go us.
I hope I take a shit on your face in your dreams tonight.
Umm... How do I tell my roommate someone shot a speargun through the wall? On a side note, cliff shot a speargun for the first time.
He told me he wanted to sober fuck the shit outa me... I took that as a compliment
I told this guy in the dining hall that he's a hippie god and he's never made eating yogurt so sexy
He left his boxers here. Can I keep them and make a shrine or would that be creepy?
When he opened the car door the whole thing fell off. Even that can be forgiven via his monster cock.
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
Randomize
