just took a sink shower in Arbys bathroom
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
How come I'm the only one who's around when people show up? I had just taken a shit, I wasn't wearing pants, phantom of the opera was playing and the fridge said PENIS.
I just learned you can mail a coconut. I'll be over in 3 days with the rum.
you asked "if this appropriate to take the the bathroom?" while holding up a bottle of vodka when you went to pee.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
This might be the most awkward night of my life. And I had someone pee on me once.
I told her we could be friends and she said the last time i told her that we had sex behind a bar at 4am
Why is there a blood-covered "sorry about your stuff" note stapled to my door?
I just wanna go somewhere and not be judged for wearing spandex shorts that make my ass look like a slice of fucking heaven. Is that so much to ask??
its like i had a thought but i dont know what the words are for it
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
You are the funniest drunk Jew I know. Never in my life have I witnessed someone respond, "Is your dick kosher?" while being picked-up on.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Randomize
