we are cooking lunchables pizzas on a fire pit.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
He literally sends me dick pictures, EVERY DAY. SEVERAL DIFFERENT ANGLES ..it's like I GET THE POINT.
She kept sniffing my sweater and tried to guess what type of detergent I use.
You take your time. Wallowing in last nights filth is the best way to get over a hangover
I just got a get of my turf look from a hooker. Apparently, Ninja Turtles T-shirt+Jeans+Flip-Flops=Hooker Gear. Woot.
Also the fuck cup must be buried with me
She said, after pronouncing how sober she was, and I quote 'Take this bag, it's so heavy it's like 500 degrees! Wait, is it time to go? Can I run? I think I can run!' Then she ran away.
I have never appreciated strippers so much. Ma'am, you are an artist
At some point, you're going to have to talk to a tree and do what it says
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
I should be in a better mood, I just went home and had a quickie on my lunch break.
I had a sandwich.
Let's not forget that we had sex on the ground in public tonight.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
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