I drank too much. My snot smells like vodka when I blow my nose.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
I should hang a sign above my bed that says "get hard or go home."
You're doing that 'overestimating how much I care' thing again.
It was like being fucked by the god of thunder, he gained power from the storm. I took a Plan B because I don't think regular birth control will stop Thor's sperm.
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
I'll get him an axe as a present. So he can break out of his closet. That axe being my penis.
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I just Miyagied my roommate through her first set of tit pics. Her fuck buddy owes me.
Considering who their parents are, maybe you should use vodka for the baptism.
In honor of Super Tuesday, we should have the sex tonight.
I WAS SURROUNDED BY HAIRY BALLS ALL ALONE.
As a rule...I don't sleep with my friends or watch movies with talking dogs
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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