And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
I just got a facebook invite to join a group called "bring back the old franzia spout." i never want our generation to grow up.
I think "banned from Amtrak due to excessive projectile vomiting" would sum up the evening quite nicely.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
I woke up covered in sausage cart mustard and champagne
My vagina would be awesome. I would be the most popular girl in the village.
You keep saying things....but all I'm hearing is kegs
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
So is that the only criterion for shenanigans now? Don't die?
I dont have to work tomorrow im yelling gibberish at squirrels
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
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