So he thought it would be a nice gesture to show me his list of girls he fucked. There was 70. We then went through and put "V"'s next to all the ones that were virgins...
So I was throwing up in this fancy toilet at a party last night, when he decided it would be funny to flush it. It was a beday. I had to walk out with toilet water and regurgitated rumpleminze all over my face and shirt.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
found out this morning via facebook that the guy i met last night has a wife and a baby and he took me to his apartment where he takes girls to cheat on his wife
i mean you met him at the daytona 500
after he came i started crying. just to fuck with his head.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
at the hospital. he locked himself in the kitchen, said he was making beer batter shrimp. don't know if it's the mercury poisoning, alcohol poisoning or second degree burns they're holding him for, but i've got a pretty guess.
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
found a half eaten roll befind my toilet today. my birthday just keeps popping up.
I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.
Hopefully she would park on my face.
Just rinsed and put my styrofoam cup of noodles in the dishwasher. I need to be not hungover ASAP
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
sam was dropping a deuce next to me. wrote me a note that said "glad we shared this experience." passed it under the wrong stall. the other guy picked it up. that's all I know so far.
Randomize
