Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This is my last and worst hangover of the decade...I almost cherrish it
I have a drinking game planned. Were gunna watch empire records. Everytime they say rex manning we have to take a shot
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
Saturday at 4 is jello wrestling sponsored by the senior class council. That's why my school is awesome. Boom.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Quick question: is it impolite to pause sex to put on my knee brace?
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
Randomize
