Your sister thinks she pees out of her clit. Did you have Sex Ed or Sunday School growing up?
a girl walking in front of me just packed her cigarettes 72 times and yes i counted
how much adderall did you take today?
Just pulled over to throw up in a day care parking lot while the kids were outside playing. The adults were mortified.
so i may have indirectly taught my 13 year old campers how to give blowjobs.
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
I got hammered with my chem professor at 4:30. I'm pretty sure that can't be topped by any real sort of institution.
Whenever I think to myself, "I don't work for a bunch of hours"... It's shot time?
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
I have invented a new game to play on campus. It's called "Mormons or Pledges?" It's fantastic.
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
I'm sending lingerie pics that I took yesterday. I fully prepared for this holiday
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
SCUSE ME I KNOW YOU DIDNT DO THAT MUCH COKE IN 10 MINUTES
I miss you.
Yeah, I don't want to have sex.
Is it bad that I'm not at all bothered by the fact that to some people I'm simply known as the girl that takes her shirt off?
Randomize
