So drunk, too bad you don't want this
I'll trade you a raw potato for some vodka
All I know is it had something to do with a plunger and tuna salad. I'm done. I'm quitting my job.
It was one time. Now I have to constantly remind her my name is Jessica not Jizzica.
If she doesnt understand your inherent need to teabag an emo chick, do you really want to be with her?
Just painted my nails at the bar... I may be getting too comfortable here.
have to get expensive furniture. after that study abroad now at least six things at ikea are named after guys i slept with
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Sooo Zach and Judd are on my porch drunk eating leaves and flowers...
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
He's completely obsessed with his ex but gives phenomenal head. So overall, yeah, good first date.
woke up, covered in gummy bears, with a note that said "the gummy army won"
Randomize
