Maybe I'll tuck it in and pretend to be a woman pretending to be a man that is attracted to women that are attracted to women who look like men
My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
It's kind of hard to say bye to you when you fall asleep on the bar..
July 5th AKA Day of regret AKA picnicing in a laundromat. Someone puked allover the comforter. Liffe of champions.
Make puking fun. Chug half a monster right before you blow. Throw up foam. Most unique experience ever.
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
For my birthday I want you to get me in bed with Donald Trump. That is all. You have 3 months
where will you be at 9:30 tonight?
piledriving you in your roommate's bed?
And now to play every stoner's favorite game: Where the Fuck Did We Park the Car?! Disneyland Edition!
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I forgot to tell you that he serenaded me with "Fuck Her Gently" by Tenacious D. And I didn't hate it.
I know, dude. If he ends up having a tiny dick, I will literally pack it back into his pants and leave. Not worth the aggravation.
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
She's wear your skin crazy! Is it wrong that I'm gonna fuck her 1 more time though?
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