So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
A 21st bday and NYE should be illegal to have in the same week...
Have u Seen that eharmony commercial where the guy goes " I don't know how I could love her anymore, but tomorrow I will'. Yeah that guy should kill himself
Were not really friends so much as I suck his dick a lot
I asked you how much you drank and you replied with "I don't know what kind of toothpaste I use."
I made out with him with my retainers in. My drunken hook-ups get lazier and lazier.
I just banged your sister. Thats what you get for takibg my lunch money in 2 grade, boom, boom fiyyaa powaa
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I yelled kanye while he was fucking me. It just felt right
I have the relationship skills of Miley Cyrus and I could've said this was a bad idea
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Success! We fucked roommates!
Best news I’ve heard all day. Cookies and dick. What more could a girl ask for?
Randomize
