If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
I tried to put a seat belt on in the shower. And I'm 80% sure I ate soap.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
I'm trying not to drink. I may fall down if I move. This is bad. I had everclear before the bar. Oh no. Oh no. Breathe. Breathe. Breathe.
isnt this the same guy you hooked up with on his birthday and he then asked, "you were at me birthday?" the next time you were together?
Nothing quite says Coachella like me doing high yoga in the middle of a field by myself
trying to figure out why the only thing in our freezer is an expired loaf of bread, a white t shirt, and a receipt from taco bell for 37.50 from last Friday
my head feels like a yellow yolk spinning in a circle at the bottom of the bowl.. i may have a concussion, love auto correct
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
He walked around my apt complex completely naked and started peeing in the maintenance because he thought it was the bathroom. So yeah, pretty drunk.
If a clean cut ginger with a flannel and tattoos shows up at the apartment, he is allowed inside.
what food is Colorado known for?
Pot brownies.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
My boobs look fucktastic, I have a booty call on Sunday and a dick photo on my phone. Life is grand!
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