At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
We walk out of his house and his dad is there, so I had to meet him and shake his hand pretending that same hand hadn't been down his son's pants five minutes earlier
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
Theres a picture of me with cut up clothes rolling in the policeman's lawn, I missed you, summer.
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
I just wanted to let u know that I called the taco people and informed them what the fuck is up.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
Just busted the chick who slept with my boyfriend with alcohol. God I love being an RA.
On the bright side, only one more day until we aren't sober anymore.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
Should I wear my "kiss me I'm highrish" shirt for my drug screen today?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Listen. The next time my first idea in the morning is "hometown buffet and a water bottle full of captain morgan", please make me go back to sleep.
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