the star wars geek is hitting on me, and is talking about his lightsaber. need back up NOW
I just saw a woman parallel park a horse. Awesome. Only in New York..
susan atkins died, charles manson's lady
dont cry, there are other serial killers to crush on.
Anyway, my grandfather thinks you're attractive
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
I ran a string through all of my old vicodin bottles and strung them on the tree. Tis the season.
We are not in the same countries and I heard about your hook up last night BEFORE you.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Just got back from the tanning beds. I'm a lobster. I fear for the safety of my nipples falling off.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
They wouldn't let me on the bull because I couldn't even sign my own name... She let me try 3 times...
Is there such thing as a tasteful dick pic? I think I just got one if they exist.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I came home in someone else's underwear this morning
Atleast you got a souvenir
i woke up this morning from the best one night stand. i made the guy mickey mouse pancakes for breakfast and when i walked back into the bedroom he said "marry me"
Randomize
