can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Soo i just shotgunned a water balloon...
I'm single ladies-ing it in my kitchen alone. after I just made an intense new breakup cd and before I drown my sorrows by marinating alone in my jacuzzi later. I cant tell if this is a new low or a new high
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
I didn't realize I was holding it, until I was like, "whose baby is this?"
Heard puking from next door. Looks like the third floor won't be any different than the second.
At this point can I suggest a mail away bride. You judge Nick but you are a strange dude and that may be your ticket.
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
I FINALLY HAVE A REASON TO DYE MY PUBES BLUE!!!
WHEN THE FUCK DID MCDONALD'S DECIDE TO QUIT SERVING BURGERS AT 1:00AM?
I would peed on everything
Don't be alarmed by all the Dick cakes in the fridge. But please don't eat..i accidentally broke one in half you guys can eat that one. Its labeled free Dick
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
Yeah but who says we can't be shitfaced and tan at the same time?
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