I just mistook a monk for someone with the newest colored snuggie.
I used the word aforementioned in my paper. That's an automatic A in community college.
You peed for a solid 5 minutes last night and turned around halfway through to give everyone watching a thumbs up
Today in class was pretty awsome. I dont feel like i have to throw up and im actually paying attention. This is a first for friday
The only coherent words in the 6 texts i recieved were don't, cute, fucking, beer, and lions
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
she stole my Timberlands and my Sublime shirt and left her heels and bra. this is war
He pulled over in the Compass Bank parking lot so I could dry-heave, but I decided I couldn't vomit there because "I bank here."
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
Seriously bro? Indoor roman candle wars? I guess I'll never see that fucking security deposit again
You made noises. And kept meowing. I have a twenty minute phone call to prove it.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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