I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Having sex with the stobe light on was the best bad idea I've ever had.
it's all fun and games until somebody pulls the tampon string..
I REALLY appreciate you guys taking care of me when im wasted but i think its weird when i wake up in different clothes than black out in
Apparently tackling a bar stool and crashing to the floor while yelling for 6 shots of whiskey won't get you thrown out on St Pattys Day.
i think of them as a grilled chicken salad and a fried chicken biscuit. obviously Amy is better for me, but when i'm eating her all i can think about is how much better the blonde must taste.
Maybe its all the xanax she takes but she literally has NO shame
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
This girl I interned with got engaged today and I'm just like over here taking plan B with my tacos and PBR.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
We found out if you get Ben high but stay sober yourself he is an AWESOME cook. You need to get your ass down here, this goes against everything I know to be real.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
For the record you're an amazing lay and you have great taste in breakfast sandwiches
Bro i just made a pipe out of a mechanical pencil and the top to an eye drop bottle. Does that make me some kind of pot god?
Randomize
