you still trying to smash that chick?
it's a losing battle and she kinda sucks. been busy with school so not getting midweek drunk - she's nearly unbearable sober
We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
As punishment for throwing up on my car, I am holding your phone hostage until the morning. You can read this message after I drop it off.
She took one look at my hardon and said, "You have a dick built for anal."
That wasn't a compliment.
I will be going to walgreens soon.. nothing says trainwreck like pickin up a scrip for xanax at 2am drunk..
Don't you judge us. Sockets make ideal bowls
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
Wtf can everyone stop fucking in my grandma's bed? This is like the third time
Social anxiety problems: I just had to get up and change stalls mid-poop because someone sat down in the one next to mine.
Randomize
