bahahahaha i would laugh soo hard if someone did this for me hahahaha this guy would become my best friend
open bar reception. dayglow. pray for me
So our annual Dick Trip has been tentatively scheduled for the week of July 1 - 5. This years theme is "Fucking for Freedom".
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
we played animal sounds and i linked arms with her cuz we were both cats....fate and my community college drama teacher have chosen my one night stand
I almost wanna stick a tampon in and sneeze bent over to see if it actually shoots out
Woke up with a $50 attached to my penis with a rubber band..
Sweet. Tell little Richard to buy us a sack and a pizza.
Apparently 24 hr fitness frowns upon the ingestion of psychedelics on its premises, don't see that in the sign up contract.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
How do I put this... You're dating Ricky from Trailer Park Boys. Stop eye-fucking him and actually listen to what he says for once. He actually said "I self-learned that myself, basically" while rolling a joint. He's worse than your unskilled magician ex that accidentally cut off three of his own fingers
He got the life proof phone case so he could jack off in the shower without his wife knowing
Yeah you're weird. You once told me you would by me a house in the middle of sex. Like as you were thrusting.
So...#1 on my TO DO list for college is to fuck someone somewhere in the stadium during the homecoming game...you down?
Randomize
