I'm saving my limes so I'll know how many drinks I've had.
I do the same thing, but I use ice cubes.
so that girl updated her facebook status as "had the worst night ever last night"
um, i could be wrong but i think it might've had something to do with mark drunkenly screaming about her unibrow right in front of her
I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
i've come to the conclusion that there is no classy way to apply chloroseptic spray to your butthole.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
Okay. thanks for sacraficing your body and risking aids for our snowcone business.
I am in his childhood bedroom and I feel like his trophies are applauding me and his stuffed bunny is disgusted with me. Did you know he was a mathlete?
I made out with a guy who was dressed as Borat
And like a minute in, I was like oh fuck what am I doing
Did you run away?
I DANCED AWAY.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
This is possibly the most humiliating moment of my life. I have diarrhea, in a port-a-potty, at the Renaissance Festival.
Y'know i appreciate how accepting you are of me being a terrible person.
He brought me hungover chipotle knowing full well he wasn't getting a blow job. I think he may be too in love with me.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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