The funny thing is... I'm about to go to the store to buy WD-40 and condoms... That's it.
And before you ask they are unrelated purchases.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
He kept spanking me and talking about biomedical science.
Aw, you fucked a pre-med? you're moving up in the world!
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
Of all the shitty people we associated with, you should be happy that I'm the one fucking your cousin. Sorry.
I feel like everyone would be happy with that as a present too. "Oh you got me pussy for Christmas?! How'd you know?!"
I feel like a color. Like a wavy color
It would just be icing on the fucked up cake we're baking, if he got me pregnant.
Currently hiding in the shower from the RA and my elbow turns it on. Showers and Ciroc don't mix..
I met a gypsy today. She told me my soul animal was an owl and says she will now remember me as "Owl Girl".
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
This wouldn't be the first time my boss has seen me topless
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
Randomize
