I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
Hey guys thanks for lettin me crash at your place for the weekend, I had a great time. PS I got three quarters of a hand job from an asian on the dance floor last night. True story.
She punched me in the face after i pulled it out and grabbed my cell phone. Ill be the one hiding in the bushes with one shoe.
so I was thinking like, Rob Pattinson could make so much money whoring himself out dressed as Edward Cullen.
yeah, I mean if he's down to fuck a lot of fat chicks and stare at Tiger Beat posters of himself above the bed...
Five Mah tais Laser and i skill have not drunk dial you
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
I think they called the cops after 15 minutes of you shaking their clothes line like the ultimate warrior and calling out hulk hogan
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
Besides asking our teacher if he enjoyed being fisted did I have any other tragic moments last night?
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
he pulled my tampon string out with his teeth like a grenade pin yelling frag out! That's why I fuck guys back from deployment. They'll go the distance
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
I love you, but seriously, that was way too long a thesis on an Arby’s curly fry being wrapped around schlong!
This past week everybody of fb either got rings or semen. All I got was Covid.
Randomize
