apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
nothing says "we're all in this together" like the herpes she passed around to our entire group of friends
Protip: If you slur the word 'tipsy', you've progressed beyond tipsy.
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
why is my new profile picture on Facebook one of me with a bunch of strangers on an elevator?
Dude you ate toast sprawled out on my kitchen floor and said "this is comfy". No more day drinking.
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
I thought that wasn't a thing ever since she showed you her vag on the dance floor
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
Never go drinking with anime club. End of story.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Randomize
