There is a strange man mowing my lawn. Best day ever.
why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
scratch lunch, i just found about 7 more dicks drawn on my back
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
no i brought the cat to the bar. I got a weird look when I walked in but now everyone loves her.
well apperantly i passed out on the stairs shouting "victory".
They were actually really boring considering how we met them.
howd you meet them?
They got shit-faced and decided to take a train to a city none of them had ever been to. We found them wandering the ghetto, with a bottle of gin and singing Disney songs.
DONT LET HIM GET NAKED. JUST SAY NO
Ya. My thumbs are those buffalo's, but my legs are spirits and my torso is that Indian guys and my head is the eagle
This time tomorrow I'll be fingering you
Oh shit a waiter was leaning over me when i opened that and i felt him pause
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
I told ya. I'm super awesome at making things super awkward. I'm the Awkwardnator.
Honestly it was like 3 AM and I only agreed to go to the strip club because I wanted chicken tenders
Sorry I bailed on you yesterday. I was propositioned.
And you don't turn down margaritas and oral.
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