my vagina is like the nba. its where amazing happens.
this morning i woke up under the kitchen table. i went to my room and there was an inflatable whale in my bed with a banana duct taped to where its penis should be. there were trails of cheez-its around my apartment and i found $67 in the crotch of my underwear. im guessing i had a very happy birthday.
he was sobbing,drinking his beer, all while confessing his love for her. awkward was an understatement...
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
Well he has that kind of carefree attitude that comes from a big penis
Found myself carrying 2 bottles of .89 euro wine about half a mile to where im staying. and someone stopped me and spoke to english. apparently, i reek of drunk american.
By the time the opening band finished, she was already slurring, coming on to the gay couple next to us, and waving her panties in the air.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
Now he's crying and asking for 'the cameras' to come out. The one cop is laughing
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
I think he might be using me for sex. I also think I might be ok with that.
I cant go through life without knowing what ginger pubes actually look like
I either have a problem or a really good solution... I just ordered my homecoming dress off of a website that sells forplay outfits.
Dude my cat is eating sugar cookies with me. No joke. My cat likes cookies.
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