We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
Maybe I need a light up heart over my vagina like Christina aguilera to get the point across
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
After four attempts, his condom would not flush. I had to remove it with salad tongs.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
People were drinking out of 26ers with straws, and somewhere someone yelled "fill me with dicks!" I'm home.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Remember when we partied so hard that dude died and it cockblocked you hooking up with my sister?
I forgot that happened. That's the second dude that died on a vacation I've been on
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
Someone younger than me just got married. Send help and vodka
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
Randomize
