You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
they night at the roxbarryed us. came out of nowhere,bought us shots, and then the big one licked my hand? we got out of that noise.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
Is it wrong that the only reason I'd want Savannah in my wedding party is to watch her whore around and drink?
Dude I am allergic to the candy dicks from that sex shop in Vegas. Come take me to hospital right now.
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
we just drove past a kid stuck in a tree what a wonderful time to be alive
I encourage you to ignore feeling. Drinking more helps
Just so you know.. If you ever cheat on me, i will cut your dick and fingers off and post them as my cover photo on Facebook. Love you.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
Randomize
