dude, wtf is with her now? she has stuff up about how i am kicking her while she's down
wtf? who are you bitching about me to now?
Those 2 guys from the sonic commercial will be virgins for life.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
There was an audience eating triscuts and bananas in the bathroom while watching him puke. It was a good birthday.
My natural self cock block skills kicked in last night. I could've got on like 2 chicks but i ended up throwing up all over my van instead.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I think I'm still a little drunk from Sunday Funday and I just changed for a date in my car. wish me luck.
I haven't been this unsober in a long time. I feel like I am observing myself. Like I am a test subject for alcohol. I wish my brain would shut up and let me be a normal drunk.
A to Z: fucking your way through the alphabet
It'll be a kids book
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago
i just watched a 7 minute video on people making a hot air balloon for their dog and i am a changed person
DUDE NEVER CALL THE COPS BACK
Randomize
