Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
Raging hang over. 6AM finish. Shat on a bag of trash in an alley. D L that last bit.
is it weird that i feel like i won the break up because my status change got two comments and his got zero?
He doesn't know I'm infertile yet, that's when the sex gets good
so apparently i worked out for over an hour last night. drinking is the only way i will ever get anything done
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Fucking someone because they own a lava lamp is like fucking someone because they have 20 dollars and no concern for their house burning down.
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
The guy at the rodeo just told me "if ya don't say none, ya don't get none". What the hell does that mean?
Im pretty sure you just got hit on by a gay cowboy.....
You humped everything and cried in an uber.
she squeaked mid orgaism. I laughed she cried
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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