belinda wants 2 know wr u got ur butt pads
i dont wear butt pads that thang is au naturel
Yeah...right...LMAO
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
i just drank a strangers drink off a toilet
I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
Yea i'm supposed to have jury duty on monday. Hope they don't mind me still being drunk.
Na you can't get charged for public intoxication unless you're outside. I checked.
I love having a vagina, its like having the keys to a city
My roomate asked me why she found condoms in the pringles container. I don't know what to tell her
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
THAT FUCKER WASTED TWO OF MY COLORED CONDOMS! HE DIDN'T EVEN FUCKING FINISH IN IT HE JUST SLAPPED IT ON AND WASTED IT!
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
We had sex on the beach. I was completely naked except for my sneakers. That's when you know
I'm pretty sure my roommate is moving out because her cat likes me better
Please tell your sister I apologize about saying her baby may have beef curtains. That was inappropriate.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
Randomize
