Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
Admittedly I was a little ambitious with some of the positions but you walked in during the worst of it.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
mom just made me 'sorry-you-have-hpv-pancakes'
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
I don’t know what's weirder; the fact that I weigh more with an erection..or the fact that I actually weighed myself with an erection...
Yes but from my experience being high around your own baby makes you feel like the worst kind of mom
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
The Winnie the Pooh costume was great until you got drunk and started yelling at the kids asking for pictures.
He either works for the Irish Mob or I'm being Catfished
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
like every night i go out someone always suggests nipple hugs so that's why I always end up topless
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
Randomize
