will power is for people who don't want to get laid
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
you know you've been in a long relationship when u start retiring sex toys
there's only 1 girl at Mount St Mary that's a virgin. the Mary statue standing outside
I didn't realize how much I missed him until his balls were back in my mouth..
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
After three games of beer pong ending in victory by death cup, all four of us bonded in the fact that we all slept with the girl's boyfriend at some point in time in the past year. She had no idea.
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Didn't you used to babysit him?
18 years ago I helped him into his clothes. Today he helped me out of mine.
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I haven't listened to news as I've been having lesbian sex all night. Anything new?
The dog peed on the neighbors baby Jesus. No wonder she thinks we're the devil.
I lysoled the money\n(631): wrong text lmao
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Randomize
