did i leave my keys in your car? BTW: sorry for throwing that drink on your date.
tell her no need for introductions. and that you've read about her on the back of toilet doors.
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
I can't lisssten to Lou Holtzsss ssspeak anymore
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
I've come to realize that after waking up this morning for work no one wins in bar dice.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
I'm drunk enough to know I'm texting you and sober enough to know what I'm saying to you
she peed her pants, took them off, the put them back on. but she only put her legs in one hole.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
I am not even ashamed to say it, I got laid in the stairwell of the hotel, by a 29 year old. It was awesome!
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