i find it sad that i can no longer sit in the back of class for fear that someone will fart into the heater again.
I was just handed a mimosa the size of my head. Stay tuned.
the orgasm was like being thrown to the other end of reality, so getting a nosebleed from it wasnt too upsetting at that point
i walked in and you were spoon feeding your sister grape juice out of a tupperware.
I've only been home four days and my parents' cleaning lady already wrote down the number to AA and told me she's praying for me.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
My pupils are so HUGE you can see into my soul from 2 miles away
Sushi was just eaten off my naked body. I feel like I can die in peace now.
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
Nick's drunk off his ass and Kyle just Texted me and all he said was "butt pirates from space".
In honor of the new administration, I'm going to make it my goal this weekend to get some lesbian action. Fuck Donald Trump and fuck Mike Pence. I'm going to be a spiteful gay.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
In case you're wondering... Yes walmart will judge you for buying vodka and pickles at 645am.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
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