Please, let me fuck your mom
Did your girl go home? Did she have fun? Can we have our friend back?
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
just spent the last 4 hours covering his room in sticky notes. Viva Drunk Thursdays.
by the end of the night two people were passed out at the table, three on the couches, and one in the bathroom. it looked like someone pumped sleeping gas into the middle of a dinner party.
Pretty sure the purpose of joining wine clubs isn't to drink the 2 bottles they send you each month IN THE SAME NIGHT.
Omphalophobia is a real thing. don't ever fucking touch my belly button again dude
Stumbled across a pregnancy test in my closet. Oh, the freshman year flashbacks..
There are no winners in a lube eating competition.
Randomize
