How are you going to pay for strippers in Vegas when you were just begging for McDoubles?
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
Oh btw, my mom called... you made the police blotter in the newspaper. Don't worry, she's mailng me a copy so I can put in on the fridge.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
Well, I just did coke with a drag queen in a bathroom so that's the direction this night is taking
I wouldn't blame my organs if they just decided to quit working after this weekend
I would rather burn my vagina off with a damn flame thrower before I would touch anything that has touched her skank ass.
One of my students submitted a thesis proposal to find the exact correlation between desire for sexual intercourse and vaginal heat.
Tell me you accepted it! This is critical fucking research!
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
There’s so much sex at the hospital I’m beginning to think scrubs were invented to make duty booty easier
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