well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
she went to type in rate my professors and rate my pussy came up in my recent searches. needless to say, i will likely be masturbating to the aforementioned site tonight.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Whatever, its basically a crime against humanity to miss an andre power hour so she'll get what's coming to her.
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
But if you do poop yourself let me know. I want that as a tagline. "So funny she'll make you shit yourself."
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
I put on that one song on Titanic so he'd fall asleep. When I was positive he'd passed out in a drunken fit, he outstretches his arms and says "I'm flying, Jack.."
so i realized that he's only my physical relationship and beer is my emotional relationship...
Actually I learned to fire a 357 Magnum at the age of ten while on my very first period
Randomize
