piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
you dialed the number "23" then talked to it for three minutes
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Apparently she came home completely covered in mud, pretending to be a bird...and she still had more sex than any of us this weekend.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
Pretty sure I'm about to get another tattoo. It'll have mom in there somewhere for Mother's Day.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
He is completely naked, curled in a ball, and rocking back and forth in the shower humming lullabies to himself. This is your responsibility since I'm going to be fucking someone in 5.7 seconds.
I attempted to walk home at 5:30 this morning cuz i was mad at him cuz he didn't want to cuddle and didn't have pizza. I got 3 houses down n fell over.
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
He was a Cher impersonator. They are the draggest of queens
i got my period today. mid walk of shame and im wearing a shirt that says stay classy. my life is a joke.
are you the reason the first floor girls' bathroom smells like weed?
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