Just got new surround sound speakers for my computer... I feel like I'm actually IN the porn now.
Thats why you have fulfilling relationships with nice girls and i have kinky sex with crazies
Does it count if I'm only ambidextrous while masturbating?
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I know this is super early in advance but can I borrow your horse mask on 4/20
You kept ripping all your clothes off and saying, "Let me be free!"
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Why do I always have at least 8 men with whom I am conducting some sort of poorly planned love experiment?
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
And, by “make you dinner” I mean “have lots of sex and multiple orgasms.” So you should probably eat something and before you come over
And hydrate too
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
Randomize
