Is there a reason "Call me when you're legal" is written on my arm? I'm 22..
you know how i said i wouldn't send that pic message of your lofted bed falling from you fucking a fat chick? that was after i sent it to your mom
We should see who can shotgun a beer faster over iPhone FaceTime
It's called penis withdraw. Or alcoholism. I get them confused these days.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
he left his wallet here so lets treat ourselves to a lunch for the lack of penis we both had deal with
Santa was walking around downtown handing out stuff at the bars. He gave me a free eyebrow wax. I think he's trying to tell me something
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
Some people say 6pm is too early to get drunk. To them I say this dinner is delicious.
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I didn't want dick. I wanted spaghetti.
I woke up in the bathtub with money shoved down my pants. I must've done something right.
Randomize
