Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
Sorry for eating those cheese fries out of your hands last night
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
I just want to have weird supply closet sex with him... and then I'll be all set. Fired, but all set.
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
On a scale from 1 to the worst weekend of my life, that was an 11. I can see again, though.
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
Celebrated the veterans I suppose, my mouth tastes of gin and black outs
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
