It really wasn't that bad. Well, it was pretty bad, but only in 3 second bursts.
Discovered the secret to willingly attending my 3-o'clock class. Ahoy, Cap'n.
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I just heard someone say "gosh-darnit" and they didn't have a southern twang. I worry for New York.
I dont think she was a real nurse but she was good at it. wish I rememebrd her name
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
I have to finish a biography for history and write a review on it so naturally I was like "getting high will make this more bearable" and now I'm basically inside the book at the revolutionary war with this guy.
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Well you should have thought of that before you were reckless with your butt
Btw "you gettin a workout in" isn't a great gym pickup line. Like no I'm fucking grabbing lunch on my way to class.
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
It's three am. I'm drunk in a stairwell in Vegas. My flight leaves at six. Help.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
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