I wish my penis had an off switch
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
Nope it's a specific set of cards not like a normal ace, queen king thing....kinda like UNO, but instead of yelling UNO you get shitfaced
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
she said she was gay. i said prove it. she said "ok i wont fuck you"
it tasted disgusting. but i pretty much drank it in the name of science, and free alcohol
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
Yes but that point is quickly negated bc u should never have to search more than one room to find your underwear.
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
It's not my fault, Tequila turned all my alarms off.
Randomize
