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ok, stay where you are, be there soon
Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
What's the appropriateness of putting a 50 cent lyric in my gmas eulogy?
I'm using the size of your dick as a guage to see how big something is on Amazon. Any questions?
You have to come over we all bought drinking hats. Mine has a turtle on it. Side note: somehow someone got their hands on 50 candied apples and we need to eat them...
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
We're like a dynamic duo.
Bisexual and Proud, Lesbian and Loud.
I was afraid she wouldn't be able keep up but I woke up in a bathtub, she called me a pussy and made me pancakes.
I told the bartender that his red, white and blue shots were terrible and tasted like Thomas Jefferson's balls.
I just noticed, at some point last night I got on iTunes and purchased over 100 classical piano songs.
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
I knew you were on something when you said you were a puppy and you ate all the frosty Paws dog ice cream which says not for human consumption right on the side of it.
I was dressed as Waldo and the cops kept saying looks like we fuckin found you
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
