don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just caught my first cougar this fake was worth every fucking penny.
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
Even jesus won't love me after tonight. I'm going hard.
I am trying to think of a way to tell him about thanksgiving and the following weekend in a way that makes me sound funny and exciting and not like an alcoholic
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
I peed my pants and am still dancing with guys at the club because I liked my outfit too much to change. Call the ratchet emergency
Being the hot sister definately has advantages, I'm pretty sure I ruined her engagement
When is the right time to ask your new roommate for her school schedule so she doesn't walk in on you fucking some rando in the kitchen in the middle of the afternoon?
and that's when you shouted "ahh motherland" as you streaked down hall 4B
you fell asleep with her panties on your face. how are you surprised??
Randomize
