I have no idea who these bands are he's listening to. If his current playlist was a pandora station, however, it would be titled "music for closet cock gobblers"
i just found an uncooked ramen noodle in my underwear
my facebook is like a giant collection of my one night stands
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
My epitaph should read "Margaritas: she never learned"
what the fuck a piece of candy corn just came out of her nose
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
I just had my first boner in 64 days today....glad to find out my fluids are still pumpin
Sometimes I think I'm witty and funny, and then I realize it 3pm and I'm drunk
Didn't want you to think it had been open season on my vagina since we broke up.
I wound up running down the street in 12 degree weather in just my bra and then fell asleep cuddling my bottle. You tell me how last night went.
I just remembered that last night I seriously contemplated swallowing the cap to my toothpaste
Some girls wake up to good morning texts. I wake up to pictures of an angry Shrek getting a blowjob.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
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