why do my parents always seem to be having way more sex than i do?
no, didnt close...
What?! she made the first move and invited you back to her place. thats like striking out in t-ball pathetic...
I can only imagine the horrible things my future wife is doing on spring break right now.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I was lying there too hungover to move when my dog jumped onto my bed and set half a calzone on my pillow. Best. Dog. Ever.
There seems no grander way to celebrate 420 than to smoke atop a mountain peak.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
I just can't even fathom the crazy and I work at a mental hospital.
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
So then we ended up at a bar full of navy SEALs and I got one of them to take his shirt off, then I felt him up
I feel like 31-year old me is 21-year old me's hero
I felt like I crashed a wedding. Everyone was dressed so nice and I was covered in actual dirt and a little blood.
Ahhh, the bane of our relationship.... His mediocre penis
Randomize
