My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
Is it awkward that I've slept with every guy in this room?
Only if they know about it too.
Canada is now making docos about life in America. Its called Trailer Park Boys.
When I look at old family photos I know how jessica simpson feels when she watches dukes of hazzard
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
A 74 year old man offered to let me sleep on his pull out couch last night.
I feel as if I need Plan B just being in the same room as them for more than 5 minutes.
It's technically 2016 but since I haven't gone to bed I'm still counting it as 2015, so I'm gonna drink all the alcohol in my house so tomorrow I can become the better version of myself that I'll be for 5 minutes.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey the moment you step into my house, find me IMMEDIATELY so we can pinky promise on not roping anyone at the party into yet another threesome
Don't worry. I have logic.... just not morals.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
when I found u, u were using a t-shirt for pants
Randomize
