That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Shiiiit I think I'm getting sick. probably had something to do with the fact that i shared my mouth with everyone last night.
Wait. That came out far sluttier than I intended.
I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
They were done having sex when I went to the room. They had that look on their faces.
Disappointment?
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
Roommate is high and swore off off the diet. Said she wants to make everyone else fat since it'd be easier. She spent today baking 3 dozen brownies for the office tomorrow and is already down to 24.
you can hold your grudge or you can accept the alcoholic treats as a peace offering. your choice
peace be with you.
Tonight, a friend walked in and said "oh look at that. Drunk on the living room floor. Just as expected." this is my life. This is my life.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
I broke my heels and ended up on a random party bus where I passed out after a brief stripper pole incident.
No one can explain why there is Dora the Explorer shampoo in my shower...
It's been THREE DAYS. Why do I still have the munchies?!
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
Randomize
