I can only date guys with blackberrys
I just decided its a new prereq to talk to me
That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
how did you get vomit on both your shoulders. I mean think about it.
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
You owe me $8 for the carwash I needed after you threw the salmon on my windshield.
I found a ladder. I don't know where I am. Gonna climb it. I feel like aladin
Last night in my drunkenness I bought hurricane supplies which included a jug of wine and a bouquet of flowers. Apparently I'm going to woo Irene.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
Woke up Christmas Eve morning with my face smelling like ballsack.. No regrets.
You stuck a chicken finger in that stripper's clevage and said "Keep this warm for me.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
Just an FYI you do have to wear pants to lunch
Hey. You dropped and smashed your road beer in my store last night. Again. And this time you didn't even order anything. You just walked in, yelled "SWEDISH STYLE!" Then lost your beer, looked depressed, and left.
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Last time he showed up for Christmas he went on and on about backpacking somewhere and getting ghonnorreah twice.
Randomize
